Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize