how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
