hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
