I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
