Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
