There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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