So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
