You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's like iHOP with fire
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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