first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
