Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
