i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
