dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
