My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
