I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
