No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
