I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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