I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
