I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
