New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
