Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
