I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
