quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
