you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
