forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize