you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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