i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
