can u get pink eye on your cock?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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