it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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