After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize