We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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