i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
