jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
