i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
