hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
