I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
