I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
