This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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