Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
