Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
