i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
