The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
