matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
