I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
