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You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
