What a fucking waste of an outfit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
