You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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