Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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