A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You made out with two different species that night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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