I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
