I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
