I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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