We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
