but the lizard people decide everything anyway
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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