this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
