just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
