I skipped work to stalk him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
