She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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