Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize