He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
