Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
