lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
