Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
