Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize