cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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