you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize