Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
