there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
