Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
