you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
