Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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