i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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