I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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