I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he just fucked me for my cheese..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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