You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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