I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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