about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
