Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
