The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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