she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
