I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
me + whiskey = a bad person
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
