Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
