The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
