so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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