If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
