The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
