I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
