I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize