SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
