I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
