Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
