wanna go halves on a baby?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
