I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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