Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
