He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
