I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
