Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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