drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize