I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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