The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
