Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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