Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
