your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
