she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
