I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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