I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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