whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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