I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
