Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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