if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
