addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
