My friends, they love my intelligence
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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